When you’re wondering how to discuss having a baby, the first piece of the puzzle is your own vision of your ideal family. Once you have that taken care of, while being completely honest with yourself, you can start thinking about discussing it with your partner.
Find out how to approach the subject and which topics should be discussing on the very first and second talk about having a baby with your man.
Don’t Start Family Planning after Just a Few Dates
The moment when you choose to bring up the family talk is very important. Even if you feel like you’re in a hurry, the subject of children should not be approached on the first few dates. Before even considering it, you need to make sure that you’re actually compatible.
Pick the Right Time to Bring It Up
If you’re wondering how to discuss having a baby, one of the most important things you need to consider is the timing of the first talk. Don’t approach the subject in public, when you’re right about to go to sleep or when your boyfriend or fiancé is tired or cranky. Wait for an intimate moment when you’re both relax to discuss the subject.
Try Spending Time with Children of Family or Friends
When you’re having trouble bringing it up out of the blue, try to convince your man to spend a little quality time with babies or small children. Babysitting your nephews or your friends’ children for one evening will help you bring up the subject more organically, but commercials, movies, and TV shows can also do the trick.
Be Honest About Your Wishes
One of the best answers to the question of how to discuss having a baby is honesty. Once you’re in a long term relationship, you should always be forthcoming with your partner about your wishes when it comes to starting and expanding your family. If you want a big family or you’re sure you only want a single child, don’t withhold this information from your loved one.
Try to Be Realistic About It
Having children is not part of the Disney “ever after” dream. It’s hard, and you’ll have to make major sacrifices. You shouldn’t be fooled into thinking your life will stay relatively the same. Having children is basically a couple boot camp, it can either take your relationship to the next level or end it. Trying to underplay the sacrifices you both have to make is bad idea when you’re discussing starting a family.
See also: Worst Ways to Say “I Love You”
Be Honest About Any Medical Conditions
When you’re getting ready to discuss having a baby, you should also disclose any information that might be relevant to the discussion. If you’ve had medical issues that might complicate a pregnancy or endanger your life, it’s selfish to keep to yourself. Discuss the subject honestly and frankly with your partner. If natural conception isn’t possible, then you should…
Explore Alternative Solutions
From fertility treatments and in vitro fertilization to adopting or taking in foster children, it’s important to be open to every option. Before you start trying to get pregnant, you should have a frank discussion about what happens when natural conception isn’t possible.
Put It Off If You’re Getting a Negative Reaction
If you’re at the beginning of your relationship and you’re wondering how to discuss having a baby, you’re probably going too fast. When your partner reacts negatively when you first try to bring it up, putt if off and get back to it in a few months. However, don’t put if off indefinitely if you really want a baby soon. If your partner doesn’t want children at all, it’s better to know about sooner rather than later.
Discuss the Worst Case Scenarios
After you’ve had the first talk and you’re on the same page with your partner, you also need to approach a less pleasant topic. Are you willing to terminate a pregnancy if the fetus has severe congenital malformations? Are you ready to deliver to term if that means putting your own life at risk? You need to reach common ground with your partner on these topics before conceiving.
More: 10 Signs You’re Moving Too Fast in Your Relationship
Ease Into Long Term Plans
The last step on the how to discuss having a baby checklist is about your post-pregnancy plans. Do you want to be a stay at home mom or get back to work? Make sure you share the same vision on family life as your partner before getting pregnant.
